I Love You
by Cardamon
Summary: Just a dream I had. It wouldn't get out of my head. I decided to put it here. I couldn't think of a better tittle. If you have one tell me. Hope you like it.


This was just a dream I had the other night. This contains material some may find unsettling. Although there is no detail about it this does feature rape & men being gay. Like it or hate it I don't care. I won't be using many details about how I look cuz I don't feel like it. I altered it so it sounds more fluid & less stupid like the dream did.

We stood on the bridge overlooking the train station on the Well map. He had his helmet in his hands tentatively rubbing it with his thumbs. There was a soft wind tossing my hair to the right. We stared into the horizon for a long time. I knew this was coming but it didn't make it any easier. I took a deep breath "So, you think your gay?" Soldier stared at me like he forgot I was there "I think so..." He growled in frustration & threw his helmet to the ground "I don't know! Maybe! I-I want to find out! I NEED to find out!" I turned from him & rubbed the tears from my eyes. He gently took my hand in his. I took a deep breath "Soldier- Jane I want you to be happy." I sniffled as the tears spilled out of my eyes "Even if it's not with me! You-" My breath hitched. Soldier looked deep in thought "I-I should go now." He bent down & picked his helmet up "Thank you Kimmy." I sobbed lightly as he placed his helmet atop my head. There were so many things I wanted to say & do. Tell him not to leave. That he should stay with me forever. I couldn't bear to watch him leave. Just hearing his foot steps fade was hard enough. Two years with Jane ended & for a time so did my smile.

I reached my hand into my pocket for my phone. My hand brushed across the ring I had intended to give him. I thought if I asked him to marry me he would stay. A fools dream really. I knew it wouldn't work but that didn't stop me from trying. I dialed the first number on the list & put the phone to my ear. Ring... Ring... Ring. Finally I heard the soft drawl from my favorite Texan "Howdy Kimmy!" I hiccuped "He left." Engineer ,or a I knew him John, sighed "I'm sorry... Would you like to come over?" I nodded "Yes." There was a pause "Alrighty then. I'll see you soon. Drive safe!" I began the long walk to my car "I will. Bye." As I adjusted the mirrors in my car I could see Jane. He had his hands in his pockets & his head down. I drove off quickly before I did anything I would regret.

Driving to John's house felt like it took years. Time was moving slow. the tears did stop flowing at some point but never left the corner of my eyes .No matter how much I tried to blink them away they stayed. I parked my car next to his truck. He was waiting for me on his porch swing. I got out as he stood up. As soon as I was standing on his porch he wrapped his arms around me. I cried into his shoulder "He's gone John! He's gone." Engineer Soldier & I were friends. Soldier was his roommate before moving in with me. John led me inside his house "Ya did the right thing Kimmy." I wiped my eyes with a tissue as we sat down on his ugly brown couch "Then why does it hurt so much?" John leaned back & stared at the level one sentry in the corner of the room "Because ya love him. He... He called me." I turned my head to him "He did?"

John nodded rubbing the back of his neck with his hand nervously "Yeah. He invited me to go out to a bar with him." My eyes went wide "He asked you out?!" John shook his head "No! He's just nervous. Ain't never tried to date a fella before. Ah guess he wanted me to be his wing man. Like ah was back in the day. Ah told him ah can't do that this time. Ah ain't gay. There's no way I'm going to a gay bar with him. Ah don't need that yellow bellied blue spy hittin' on me." I laughed lightly with a smile "Ya know, sometimes even I think he's gay." John smiled at me "There ya go! A smile! Now you listen here! Everything will be fine!" I nodded slowly "I think I'm going to head home now. It's late." John nodded & walked me to the door.

Time passed & I didn't see or hear from Jane. John avoided talking about him & I never asked. The wound Jane left on my heart still bled. Mornings were the hardest. I missed waking up next to him. Usually I would wake up a few minutes before him. He looked so handsome when he slept. All of life's troubles were gone & for a moment so were mine. As the clock would wind down I would climb on top of him. He would stir slightly but never woke up. I would push the button on his alarm clock before it would ring. Slowly I would lean down & whisper "Ding ding ding." My lips would press onto his & he would smile. But these mornings without him were bleak. I would wake up with a smile expecting to see his sleeping form. But the sight to grace my eyes would slap a frown on my face. Empty. The bed was always empty.

A week had passed since Jane had left me. It was dark outside. I was sitting on my couch eating when my phone rang "Hello?" John huffed "Y'all better get over here now!" I shot off my couch "John?! What's wrong?!" John took a deep breath "It's Jane! Look I'll explain everything when ya get here!" I dropped the phone & ran for the door. I shoved the key in the ignition & drove off into the night. My heart pounded. Jane. Something was wrong with Jane! Was he hurt or dead?! I tried not to think about all the horrible things that could be wrong with him.

I practically broke John's door down knocking on it. The door flew open & I was pulled inside. John looked exasperated "Thank god ya came!" I grabbed his upper arm "Where is he?!" John waved his hands up & down "Now don't get to worked up! Ah need to prepare ya." I took a breath "Prepare me?" He nodded slowly "Jane's- not doing so good. He had something bad happen to him. Ah can't really tell you what. That's his business. He's upstairs in the shower. He ain't nude or nothin'. I'll take ya to him." I followed John upstairs. I was scared out of my mind. I could hear the shower running along with "Is he crying?!"

Sure enough there he was. He was wearing a red t-shirt with black pants. The room was filled with steam. He was sitting in the shower with the water running. His legs were pulled tightly to his chest in the fetal position. He was sobbing loudly with his back to me. I turned the water off & hopped into the tub with him. He didn't move. I pulled him into my lap. He held onto me like a small child would his mother and sobbed. I had never seen him like this & it scared me "What happened to you?" He froze & stared at me. His eyes were wide. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. I pulled him to my chest. He buried his face in my breasts "Jane you can tell me anything! Anything at all!"

We sat there for some time. He cried & I held him close. Finally after an hour of sitting in Engineer's shower he spoke "I'm not gay. I'M NOT! I'M NOT! I'M NOT!" I ran my fingers through his hair "Shhh! It's alright!" He took a deep breath "I- something bad happened. I-" He broke out into another fit of sobbing. I rubbed his back "Jane Yo-" He cut me off shouting out "I WAS RAPED!" I gasped "What?" He spoke more softly "I was raped." He paused "By a man I met at the bar. He was... nice. He bought me a drink. He wanted to- I didn't. When he asked I knew. I knew I wasn't gay. I KNEW! He- he wouldn't stop. It hurt... so bad... I'm not gay!" I glanced over at John "Do you have some clothes he can use?" John nodded & trotted off.

I turned my attention back to Jane. He was muttering about what happened to him "Hey, lets get you out of those wet clothes & take you home." He looked up at me face covered in tears & snot "Home? with you?" I nodded with a smile "Yes with me. I still love you. Soldier I want you back." John came back with an arm full of clothes. Jane sniffed "You do?" I nodded & he kissed me. I made a face as snot was wiped onto my face. John gagged & left the room. Jane's mouth tasted terrible. He must not have brushed his teeth. As I moved to stand up he held me tighter. Tight enough to hurt "Don't go! I need you!" I grunted "I'm not leaving! I just want to get you out of this tub & into some dry clothes."

He stood up with me. As I helped him out of the tub I noticed just how pitiful he looked. His hair & clothes were a mess! I sat him down on the toilet & began to undress him. My heart damn near stopped when he was topless. He had many bruises & two or three cuts. I leaned forward & kissed a particularly nasty bruise on his chest. He winced but didn't stop me. I held him for a moment unsure what I should say to him. I let him go & continued to undress him "Could you get up? I need to take your pants & underwear off." He lifted himself up enough for me to remove them. I handed him the shirt John brought as I pulled his pans off the rest of the way.

I gasped & dropped the pants. Blood. There was blood in his underwear. His anus had been bleeding. Cautiously & slowly I looked up at him "Is... Are... is your ass-butt ok?" He turned from me "I don't know." I took a deep breath & rubbed my arm "Do... do you want me to look at it?" Soldier blushed & nodded slowly. His eyes looked away from me as he slowly stood. He turned from me & bent over. His lower lip quivered. Tears fell from his eyes. There were angry hand prints & a welt on his butt from where someone had been slapping him hard. I even saw a bite mark. Gingerly I spread his cheeks. There was dried blood from the unkind penetration. Other than that he looked fine "I think your ok." I kissed his left butt cheek. He flinched & stood upright.

I helped him into the fresh underwear "When John called me I was scared. I thought you were dead or severely injured." I began to tear up. I shot up & wrapped my arms around him "Please don't scare me like that again! We don't have respawn out here! Only on the battlefield! I don't want to loose you!" Soldier held me to him. I took a deep breath "MARRY ME!" Jane held me out at arms length "What?!" I nodded firmly "You heard me! Marry me! I don't have the ring with me it's at the house." Jane laughed under his breath "Would that make me your wife since you are the one proposing?" I laughed as well "Yes! My wifey-husband. And I will be your husbandy-wife. Now put some pants on & we can go home." He nodded & pulled on the pants from engi.

I held his hand as we walked downstairs. John stood from his spot on the couch "You gonna be ok partner?" Soldier nodded "Thanks John... For helping me... even when-" John threw a hand up "Now don't you go getting all mushy on me. It's what any good friend would do." John held my hand tighter "Then be a better friend & be my best man." John gasped & threw a hand on his shoulder "Well I'll be damned! Ya asked her?! After everything that's happened." Jane shook his head "No sir! She asked me." John grinned "Well you are one ballsy lady!" I nodded "You bet your ass I am!" I cleared my throat "We are going home. I trust you will keep the events of the week between the three of us?" John frowned & nodded "Of course! Now you drive safe! Stop by any time!" I nodded as we walked out the door. It had been a long week & I was ready to go the hell to sleep!


End file.
